Get My Book.
A CURE FOR THE COMMON LIFE: THE CARDINAL RULES OF SELF-ESTEEM is a small but deceptively powerful book that pinpoints 10 specific ways to recognize the root cause of common emotional problems and... read more
Archive for May, 2009
“The Secret” is a wonderful book. All of us need to remember that life is a reflection. And please know that the concept of what ‘you put out is what you get back’ is many thousands of years old.
Do you feel that you have negative thinking? Most of us do to varying degrees. Our parents may not have been the best role models, let alone what happens at school and with our peers.
Take a moment and go inside yourself and listen to your inner chatter. If you hear anything like ”you are not good enough” ask that part of you where it learned this. Trace it back to the incidents where this belief system began. Was it critical parent or teacher? A friend’s betrayal?
All negative patterns began with a decision you made somewhere based on a hurtful or humiliating situation. The good news is decisions can be changed and a new decision put in its place.
The word ‘decide’ itself means ’of killing’, so when we decide something new, we are killing off the old beliefs. Once you re-trace where your decision was made in your past, imagine yourself in the situation as an adult and talk to the involved parties, claiming the truth that no matter what happened, you are a worthy human being and no one, nowhere is ever permitted to take away your self-esteem. Give yourself permission to reject that old belief and invite in love and acceptance of yourself.
We all feel that we have made mistakes and we all must be willing to forgive ourselves and move on with the intention of a happier, more self-loving life. Old belief patterns can be changed. Hold within yourself “The Secret” that as you shift your inner beliefs, the outer will respond with the same, loving energy.
How often do you find yourself thinking negative thoughts? How about positive thoughts? Are you aware of your inner critic–that voice in your head that says negative comments? Are you able to cancel out that critical voice with healthy, loving thoughts regarding your worth?
Practice doing this and see what happens…
(0 Comments)
Teens and Dating
Attention Adults! If you are feeling that the world is tough and life’s stressful, imagine how it feels to a teenager who is barely an adult but no longer a child. The pressure on them to figure out difficult issues is relentless.
I remember when keeping grades up, picking a college, and finding a decent job were just normal obligations and relatively easy to achieve. Now, one college could receive 1,000’s of applications for a few hundred openings. And this is true for corporations, too. My sister was one of 950 people who applied to a company which had 11 openings.
The pressure for children to achieve often begins in pre-school. I heard of a mother of a 7 year old who traveled to Greece with her husband and the little girl and she spent 4 hours daily in the hotel room going over the 2nd
grader’s lessons so she wouldn’t fall behind. Wouldn’t experiencing another culture been education enough?
Although this is an extreme example, the pressure is on kids to excel and by the teen years, it can take its toll. I was on staff at an eating disorder clinic for 5 years and teens were our primary clients.
So what does this have to do with teens and dating? Plenty. I’ve been in private practice for over 23 years, and teens are consistently stressed and confused. Besides the educational system breathing down their necks(3-4hours of homework daily), there is the media giving them messages to grow up quickly, be thin, be sexy, be an individual and also part of an ‘in’ crowd. How is it possible to sort through and balance all of this information? I have had teens tell me that they need to ‘put out’ by the 4th date or guys lose interest. (Although I was recently told by a teen that several of her friends had decided they would not have sex until college—good for them!) Teens need affirmation, and they may not be getting enough from parents and authority figures.
What can you do to help alleviate confusion?
Teach your teens clear boundaries and help them build a solid framework from which to have a sense of self.
In my book “A Cure for the Common Life: The Cardinal Rules of Self-Esteem” I say that a healthy, vibrant, REAL self-esteem embodies these five cornerstones: Self-Love, Self-Discipline, Self-Reliance, Self-Control and the ability to Self-Correct. Take time to dialogue with your teens about what these mean to them. Help them to build an inner voice that goes beyond what ‘feels good’ and ‘what feels bad’ and help them see the bigger picture.
Example: If a 16 year old girl is confronted with just finding out that her steady boyfriend went out with one of her best girlfriends, she may have an angry outburst or get depressed and go to her room. These would be normal reactions as she’d just been betrayed twice. But instead of remaining in a stuck emotion of anger or hurt for a long time (I’ve seen this type of pain go on for years, sometimes decades), when she brings up the five cornerstones, she can, over time, realize that his love and her best friend’s love is not as important as her own.(self-love) She can have the courage to pick herself up and continue with her daily life.(self-discipline) She an feel that she can trust herself enough to make a better choice next time and that they were really not her friends and she deserves better.(self-reliance) She can choose to not act out inappropriately, like starting a fight with the girl or taking out her anger by yelling at her younger sister or brother for no reason.(self-control) And she can look inside herself and realize that SHE has value and that she can choose how she is going to react to people that disappoint her.(self-correct)
I have received letters and emails from moms and teens telling me how these cornerstones and the ten rules of self-esteem listed in my book have helped teens think things through with more maturity. What teens need to know is that although it feels like they have no control, they actually do have personal control on how they live their lives. And Rule number one in my book is “Don’t hang around people who make you feel bad about yourself”.
The Cardinal Coaching series is available now! Here’s what a recent client had to say:
Dear Catherine,
I felt so great after our last session! I am an empowered woman and you have helped me feel positive about my future. Thanks self-esteemdoc!
LP–manager
NY is a great place. Went there for the musical and had a great meeting. I love the excitement and the briskness of the city streets.
But I have to say, LA is my home. Where else can you have mountains and an ocean all within 15 min.? Yeah–I’m an LA gal. My self-esteem is grateful to live in magical LA! Happy Summer! hugs NY style, Catherine Cardinal
MONDAY MAY 25
It’s so easy to over-eat on holidays and perhaps this is part of the fun. So–on these days let go of your negative feelings about your body image and have some fun. Your healthy lifestyle diet can be back to normal tomorrow. I had ice cream today as a special treat. Since I rarely eat white sugar, I had a sugar rush but jumped in the pool with the dogs and used the energy.
A healthy body-image is part of a healthy self-esteem! Back on track soon, Catherine Cardinal
May 31
Had some challenges the past few days. Phew!! Had to draw on all my strength to keep my thoughts clear and focused. Life throws us some curve balls at times and today I finally felt my equilibrium come back. I re-read my own book “A Cure for the Common Life: The Cardinal Rules of Self-Esteem” and it helped. I forget what I know sometimes. Guess it’s part of being human. Facing it…Catherine Cardinal
June 12
I only have one thing to say after a recent episode that had me discombobulated.(word?) People–fear is a worthless feeling. Do your best to be fearless and to anyone out there who is frightened I send you love and light! “This too shall pass”. Love, Catherine
June 14
Today I expanded my Cardinal Coaching Technique to include even more self-esteem and confidence points. Self-esteem is at the root of everything we do and it’s time for us all(even me) to have a more healthy, balanced self-esteem. I love coaching people and love developing The Cardinal Coaching Technique. Please feel free to email me if you have any questions: “selfesteemdoc@aol.com
Are you wondering if your self-esteem is ok? Do you question your love for yourself? Read my article on self-esteem –some good tips for a healthy sense of self and confidence. Also–”A Cure for the Common Life: The Cardinal Rules of Self-Esteem” available on Amazon.com Love, Catherine Cardinal
June 17
Am very excited about the warm weather. Always makes my self-esteem better. It’s like the warmth fills me up and makes me more optimistic and hopeful for all of our futures. Love one another and help to make this planet a better place in all the little things you do every day. How to do this? Love YOURSELF first! How to love yourself? Forgive yourself all your percieved failings? How to havfe faith that you are ok just the way you are…YOU ARE! JUST KNOW IT!! Love, Catherine Cardinal, your coach for life.
July 1
Love my new audio cd, Wise women Get What They Want. Available in my book Men to Run From.
7 Things You Can Do To Improve Your Body Image And Self Esteem
posted by admin @ 8:42 AM
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
1. Learn to set reasonable goals. Whether it’s about your exercise routine or diet, don’t set the bar too high or you may find yourself resisting and then failing. Remember that a healthy, balanced life is a journey of steps. Give yourself permission to win by keeping a steady workable pace.
2. Single out what is beautiful about you. Perhaps you love your eyes, or your legs, but are unhappy with other parts. Keep your focus on those parts that work for you and know that everyone has parts they love and parts they wish they could change. Look into a mirror and focus on the good stuff.
3. Think before you speak and be a generous listener. When you take the time to hear others and contemplate what you are saying back, you are likely to have less conflict and form more genuine bonds with others. Receiving the love of great friends who accept us for exactly as we are, is a great asset to helping us love and accept ourselves.
4. Take pride in your accomplishments. We are all good at something. Make a list of those things which you feel really good about and read that list every day. “I am kind, courageous, a great swimmer, etc.” Believe in your ability to be competent and also your ability to learn and accomplish new things.
5. Fast one day every two weeks. Give your body a rest by feeding it only vegetable and/or fruit juices. This cleansing will help keep your weight down, minimize cellulite and give you energy. If you feel good about it, try once a week.
6. Be aware of your inner critic. The negative voice in your head which puts you down. When you hear it, tell it to “pipe down and take a hike”! You are in control of your body and mind and no one is going to make you feel less than or not good enough. The critic is a result of all the negative things you have heard or experienced in your life. Let it all go and create positive scenarios in your head. Allow yourself to be creative and imaginative with your new found supportive voices.
7. Be in the moment. When you accept the reality of your life exactly as it is now, you stop the futile worrying about the past and the future. Take a moment each day to meditate on what is good about right now and focus on that. Give thanks and gratitude for what is good and believe that things can get better for you. Having these positive thoughts is the secret to a happier life.
We are having so much fun being involved with ‘Divorce!The Musical’. The show is excellent and the cast unbelievable! It is doing great in LA and there are plans for New York.
I started out in musical theatre and now after many years am back in as a producer. Full circle is a good feeling.